| Steven's profile-|[Steve]|-PhotosBlog |  Tools  Help |
|
08 January 08|01|07DEMETRI MARTIN QUOTES
“‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of - it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’”
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.”
“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then Í said, “Does he bite?”. She said “No.” And I said, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? … Liar.”
I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s nice, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a little while.” “How old are you? 14? Fuck off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.”
I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.”
I just got some new pajamas, with pockets on them. Which is great because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when i slept.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzles thats 40000 pieces and when you finish it says "go outside"
I went into this clothing store and the lady working there she got mad at me. She said what size are you and i said "actual"
I work with glitter, but dont worry, i make tough stuff like daggers and skulls
The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you... forever
Coz glitter doesnt go away. Glitter is the herpies of craft supplies
|
|
|
